“Sometimes the test is not to find the answer. It’s to see how you react when you realize there is no answer.”
—Babylon 5
I think I’m frustrated with therapy because I want answers, and I’m not getting them. I’m not sure whether wanting them is rational or not.
On the one hand, I know it’s irrational to expect my therapist or anyone else to tell me how to fix my life. Nobody can do that. First of all because pat answers don’t work; second of all because I know only I can save myself.
But on the other hand, I don’t think it’s irrational to want to feel like my therapist has some direction or roadmap to help me get better. I don’t want a pat little list of coping skills or something like that; I know that won’t help me. What I want is something along the lines of “First we’ll try A, B, C, and D to get you stabilized. Then we’ll work on breaking down these Rules in your head. That’ll involve dealing with a lot of memories from your past, and we can also use W, X, Y, and Z strategies in conjunction.” I don’t think that’s an unreasonable thing to want from a therapist. I’ve got my Windhorse treatment team helping me figure out real-life stuff, particularly going back to college, but I need to feel like I have an emotional plan in place before I try to go back to school.
Right now I feel like my therapy is directionless. Sometimes that’s been okay–I even valued it because it took pressure off me during some phases of my recovery. But now I’ve got this momentum going in my external life, and I want my internal life to match.
So how do I do that? Is it a fair and reasonable thing to ask from my therapist, and if so, how do I make/let myself ask for it? Or is it something I need to do for myself instead of expecting someone else to do it for me?
The Life You Save May Be Your Own 
I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want that from your therapist either. Maybe you could just start off by talking to your therapist about this like you have here & see what he/she has to say.
I would suggest – explain it like you explain it here. That you feel like therapy is directionless and why.
I’ve been in a similar spot. I explained to my therapist before that I felt like I was stuck in therapy, that I wasn’t getting anything accomplished. My therapist was able to see things from another perspective and helped me figure out why we were stuck.
-Nel
If only I knew how to make myself. I can know exactly what I want today, but then when I’m there in person, the words just won’t come. I get shut down from the inside. It’s maddening.
I know, right? That’s totally the dissociation. I *so* get that! Try printing this blog entry out and letting your therapist read it. Or, sometimes I print out my blog entries as a “guide” in case I go blank and forget what I wanted to say.
-Nel
I want the same from my therapist, in fact, I’ve flat out asked her what her direction is with me on many occasions. I know it’s not easy for you do to… maybe like Nel suggested, print that blog entry and take it as a guide…read parts of it to her? (or if you can, let her read it directly! – it’s very clear and concise. I think it would help her see what you are looking for in the long run with therapy. xx
I don’t think it is unfair at all to ask for details from your therapist as to what her plans are. I had this problem with my last threapist. It felt like we were just floating through aimlessly. I heard from someone that it is quite usual in America to have treatment plans with therapists… it isn’t usual here in the UK when you are under private therapy so you really can just turn up every week and not really have any idea of any goals or plans. I think you have every right to speak to your T about what her plans are. Are you in the stabilisation stage or memory recovery stage or what? That sort of thing. xx