Can’t do this. Just can’t.
My great aunt died this morning.
I’m the one who should be dead. It would make things so much better for everyone, including myself. We all know I’m never going to get my shit together and make my life work. I might as well get out now before things get any worse. They already hate me for being a worthless drain on their money, but maybe if I got out now they’d hate me less. Maybe they’d even forget that they’d hated me so much.
They’re right, you know, to hate me. People keep saying I should love myself, be kind to myself, but there’s no reason. If people think I deserve that it’s because I’ve lied to them, made them think I’m a good person. The truth is I’m not.
I know the truth about me. My family has always been right about me, and I could never really fool myself into believing they were wrong.
I don’t belong here, I don’t want to be here, and the only people who truly know what I am don’t want me here.
I’m so tired of fighting it.