I had a strange dream last night. I was back at Bama, where I went to college, with the people from my kung fu class, and I ran into a bunch of the people from my US Yoshukai Karate (USYKA) dojo on campus. None of the Yoshukai people remembered me. Apparently US Yoshukai had split into two warring factions over which person should be in charge (very similar to reality: International Yoshukai and USYKA split over that), and so all my old friends were angry at each other.
It was strange because you’d think it would suck to find your friends all fighting and then realize they didn’t even remember you…but it wasn’t a bad dream, just weird. Maybe it’s telling me I’ve moved on from my old life (Bama, USYKA) to a new life (Noho, kung fu). Or maybe it doesn’t mean anything and I’ve just spent too long with psychoanalytic therapists. 🙂
I’m having serious doubts about whether I can manage Winston. I love him, but he has some major behavioral problems the rescue agency conveniently forgot to inform me about. Mostly, he bites. I’m not talking about playful nips or mouthing. He bites HARD, tears up my jeans, draws blood. I look like I got in a fight with a pissed off bear. Nothing I do really works–firm no, withdrawing attention when he bites, giving him chew toys, spraying water in his face, shaking a can of pennies at him. Nothing. If he gets really bad, I have to just put him in the crate until he calms down, which sometimes takes hours.
I’m really angry that the rescue group didn’t tell me this, and I’m really worried I’m going to have to give him back if I can’t get the biting under control. And then I feel like an inexcusably terrible person. I mean, if I had a kid with behavioral problems, I wouldn’t just give up on him. I don’t know what to do.
I think I’m doing better without the meds. I feel less reactive and out-of-control, more stable. So that’s good. I see the sleep doc again on Monday, so I’ll see what she has to say.
I have to reschedule my therapy, though. I feel dumb because I carelessly scheduled them the same day, and I’m embarrassed to call NT1.0 and tell her. Which is ridiculous, I know. I just hate admitting that I screw things up.
I’m now an official volunteer for Obama for America, which is pretty awesome. I met with their local volunteer recruiter last week, and tonight I went and helped for a while with a phone bank before kung fu. It’s weird–I generally hate being on the phone and don’t even answer my own most of the time, but I’ve done both telephone fundraising and telephone surveys in the past when I desperately needed a paycheck. This was much easier because we were calling from a list of people who’d already expressed support for the President, so when you actually got someone on the phone, they weren’t likely to yell at you. Plus, we’re not asking for money, just whether they’ll support the President and if they’re interested in volunteering. And unlike working at a call center, you don’t have your supervisor yelling at you about how you’re not making quotas–which is good because in 45 minutes I only reached two of the people on my list.
There’s a local organizing meeting tomorrow night, and I’m going to that, too. Should be pretty cool–there are some interesting people involved, and it’s nice to feel like I’m involved with something that matters.