The Life You Save May Be Your Own

DID, knitting, sci-fi, and strong opinions

Update #2 March 16, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — Grainne @ 9:30 pm

Hi All,

Just got off the phone with our girl.  She’s sounding quite well!  She even had me laughing here and there as we chatted about her days at SP.  There are a lot of people in her group right now although she says they split them into two often.  She has to do the group therapy thing (I don’t think anyone likes doing group.  I hate it…) and they’re doing all the standard imagery/self focus lectures.  I asked if she thought she was getting much out of it so far and she said yes and no.  Therapy is great but all the time that is wasted drives her up the wall.  I can totally see that frustration as well.

We talked for a while about her puppy and how great he did on his behavioural test to get placed in a foster care home.  He’s out getting all socialized with new people and probably animals too but she’s missing him (I’ll bet he misses her just as much…such a cutie pie that pup).

Overall, she’s doing okay, staying strong, and working through it all.  She also pointed out that she’s managed not to murder anyone so far…lol.

Sara sends her love to you guys.  I told her you were all cheering for her.  🙂

I’ll update you guys again next week sometime.

Take care,



Contact March 6, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — Grainne @ 2:11 am

Hello Folks,

Good News!  I finally hit the right time to call and connected with Sara 🙂

She is doing okay, not feeling great but still pushing on.  She told me that she was having a hard time with the restrictions and I couldn’t blame her when I heard, they took away her lap top, phone, Nook and knitting.  I guess they want patients to have no distractions other than … healing?  (I’m not sure I agree with that term but I couldn’t think of what to call it otherwise).

The usual issues with things like food she can eat are getting sorted out.   She said her psychiatrist was okay and didn’t seem to be the type to throw meds at every patient, which is great.

Overall, she sounded sad but strong.  She’s sticking it out to see how much they can help her, trying not to form opinions on anything just yet…only two days into treatment.

The phone, of course, it a hot commodity in her ward so I told her I’d give her a call next week (mon/tues).  I’ll update you guys then.

All the best!


No Update Yet… March 5, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — Grainne @ 4:32 pm

Hi All,

It’s Grainne posting for Sara.  She asked that I pop into her blog to let you guys know how she’s doing while at SP.  I’ve called the ‘patient’ line several times yesterday and today but it’s not been answered.  I’m assuming that it’s only answered during certain times…?  I don’t really know.  I’ll keep trying it and if I can’t get through by tonight I’ll try their main line and see what’s up.

Sorry not to have much news.  Will update as soon as I can.




Dreams and Schemes and Plans February 26, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — weordmyndum @ 11:48 pm

We’ve set a definite admission date for Thursday afternoon. I probably won’t get any sleep Wednesday night because we have to leave at 4:30 (in the morning, ick), drive 45 minutes to Springfield, and get on the train.

In my absence, Grainne of One Raison D’Etre will keep in touch with me. I’ve added her as a co-author on my blog, so she’ll probably post updates occasionally. Anyone else who wants my phone number or address there, feel free to email me.

I’m not taking my laptop and won’t be allowed to have my cell phone. I am, however, hoping they’ll let me keep my Nook. It can connect to the internet if there’s wireless available, so there’s a slight chance I might be able to post myself.

So, yeah, that’s the scoop.



Filed under: Uncategorized — weordmyndum @ 6:07 am

So it looks like they FINALLY have a spot for me at Sheppard Pratt. I’m going Wednesday or Thursday, depending on when I can get a train ticket and a ride to Springfield.

I’m hoping for Wednesday. Whatever day I get there, it’ll be late afternoon. If I get there Thursday afternoon, I’ll only have one full day before the weekend. Weekends in mental hospitals are usually completely dead, so I’d rather not get there just in time to sit around for two days. But it just depends on what we can arrange.

I’m packed aside from the things that can’t go in until the last minute. I have plenty of yarn and knitting projects planned, so they better not take that away from me. I bought some books for my Nook, so I really hope they let me keep that, too. If they take away the Nook AND the knitting, then I will really lose it.

Ugh, stressstressstressstressstress.


Ugh February 25, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — weordmyndum @ 4:21 am
Tags: ,

I am fat and I want to kill myself.

And I hate myself for being such a fucking cliche.

I don’t know how to hold on for much longer. I’m not sure I see any reason.


Still Waiting February 22, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — weordmyndum @ 11:58 pm
Tags: , , ,

Looks like SP probably won’t have a spot for me until the end of next week, possibly the week after next. This is so frustrating. I know they can’t know for sure when they’ll have a bed available, but I feel like they’re just stringing me along. It’s been three weeks now of “We’ll have a spot next week.” Meanwhile, my whole life is on hold. I only buy a few days worth of food at a time, and I’m coming up with lies to tell my chiropractor and my kung fu teacher about why I’ll be disappearing for weeks.

I’m also told by their admissions person that I won’t have access to my cell phone or laptop. However, I’ve heard anecdotally from two people who’ve been there that patients were allowed to have computers. I’ll take mine, but who knows if they’ll let me keep it. If you want the address or phone number to contact me while I’m there, email me or leave a comment and I’ll email you.

I will say A is growing on me as a therapist. She doesn’t always quite get me, but she’s stopped treating me like I’m oh-so-fascinating. And she doesn’t get offended when I correct her assumptions/understanding of me. I also think she’s finally getting that I don’t need her to find the edges of what I can deal with and pull me back–most of the time, I’m pretty aware of what’s too much for me.

Plus I really like her dog. Any therapist who has their dig around for therapy has to be at least a half-decent person.

I’m still really ambivalent about the ED stuff. I’m still abusing laxatives and diuretics, and I know it’s gonna get interesting when I get to SP and can’t take 20 laxatives a day. Part of me says, “That sounds like a good reason to tell them what’s going on and get help.” Then another voice says, “Fuck that shit. There’s nothing wrong with what I’m doing. It’s my body, and I can do whatever I want with it. I don’t need anyone to fucking fix me.” And another: “They’ll make me gain weight even though I’m not even skinny. If I eat like normal people do, I’ll get fat again because my metabolism is totally shot. Maybe if I just restrict while I’m there, they won’t notice. I can blame it on my food allergies.” And, “You know you can’t just hide pieces and expect to get better. You can’t just have a side order of self-destruction and think you’ll be okay with just that much. God, haven’t you learned that by now?”

So I don’t know what I’m going to do with that. I feel like it’s kind of out of my control–like it’ll depend on who in my system is most in control at that point. Or maybe that’s a cop-out. I don’t even know right now.


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