The Life You Save May Be Your Own

DID, knitting, sci-fi, and strong opinions

Blank January 27, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — weordmyndum @ 3:46 pm
Tags: , , ,

I haven’t written about what’s going on in my head for several days because I don’t really know. I’m cut off from feeling anything.

I think I’m cut off from a great deal of myself, actually. I think there’s a lot going on that’s beyond my reach, and I’m not going out of my way to grab at it.

I can’t focus. I can only knit a row or two at a time. I put on a DVD and then realize I have no idea what happened in the movie. Trying to read is a joke. I can’t keep track of time.

My weight is under 130, making for a 35 lb loss in the last 3 months. I’m overusing laxatives still, of course, but with less desperation than a week or two ago. I have a very short list of safe foods.

I think my foot may finally be healed enough to resume normal activity. Yesterday I walked to town and back (a mile and a half each way) without the brace and with only a little plan. I’ll try going back to kung fu tomorrow night.

I’m on the waiting list for Sheppard Pratt. Right now my instinct is to say nevermind, I don’t need it. I know that’s not true; I know the chaos and desperation are still present, just behind my walls. And I’m not happy with this way of being. I know that. But for now, during the waiting, the numbness is okay. I actually kind of hope it stays until I get to Sheppard Pratt, although I know almost certainly it won’t.


4 Responses to “Blank”

  1. Bourbon Says:

    Yeah the numbness, blankness, can be a great help sometimes. I use the antipsychotics to help numb me over weekends mostly, as I hate weekends. I hope the numbness stays a long time for you xx

  2. i’m sorry you’re suffering.

  3. kate1975 Says:

    Good and healing thoughts to you.


  4. Natalya Says:

    Hope the numbness lasts awhile…well until you get to SP.

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