The Life You Save May Be Your Own

DID, knitting, sci-fi, and strong opinions

Meltdown January 22, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — weordmyndum @ 8:55 pm

Total hysterical meltdown this morning. Sobbing shaking hyperventilating. I can’t handle my life and I don’t want anyone else to try to fix it for me. Don’t want my life fixed. Not the bank or Part D or Mass Health or any of it.

Got the yes from Sheppard Pratt. Now the six week waiting list. Stupid. Why did I think this would help. I’m too broken to be fixed.

I just want out. Even if everything that’s wrong now gets fixed, I’ll fuck something else up again. It’s all I do. Things get better but then they blow up in my face again. I’m only good at breaking things. I need out of this cycle.

Psychiatrist says up the Viibryd. Like that’s gonna help. I’m the problem, not my brain.

Have to get out. Have to get out.

Basically I drug myself with Benadryl, sleep, take Winston out, take more Benadryl, sleep more. Can’t deal with being conscious. Can’t deal with being alive.


4 Responses to “Meltdown”

  1. I’m so sorry you’re suffering. My heart goes out to you xo

  2. Sending peace. I’m sorry things are so damn hard right now.

  3. Neloran Says:

    You are not alone.

  4. Prince Says:

    i’ve been struggling the same, almost. no one is the save of course haha. but you’re not the only one. don’t give up. i feel all of your pain.

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