I can’t do this. I’m trying so hard, and I just can’t.
The admissions person from Sheppard Pratt called because she wanted my secondary insurance info. But I still haven’t fixed the Mass Health error, so probably now I won’t be able to go to Sheppard Pratt.
And I don’t have time to fix that tomorrow because I need to fix my bank account. The fraudulent charges haven’t been removed yet, so I have negative money and no groceries.
And I’m hella suicidal. I just can’t deal with my life because everything is fucked to hell. I just need to be dead so fucking bad.
Also I’m pretty sure I’m just shitting out my bowels at this point…but I can’t lay off the laxatives. Literally CANNOT. I think I’ve taken at least 16 today, maybe 20. How did it get this bad? It’s just the only thing calming me down. I need help but I can’t tell my team because I can’t face admitting that I’ve been lying to them for months about whether I was relapsing into the ED. I’m a fucking liar, and I’m disgusting, and I need to be dead.