I feel so detached and disconnected. From myself. From people. From life in general. Like I’m out of phase with the rest of my universe, and I could just walk through walls because I’m not solid anymore.
What’s the point of finding someone or something to hold onto when I’m not solid enough to grab it? What’s the point of reaching out when I know I can’t connect?
Don’t get me wrong–I know this might sound like distress, but it’s not. I don’t feel anything. Or if I do, it’s so far away it can’t reach me, whoever I am. So this is not an expression of distress; it’s an explanation of the situation.
So why the urgent need to kill myself? I suppose I don’t see a point to my existence. After all, lack of feeling also means I can never feel happy. Lack of connection means I can never feel loved. I’m not accomplishing anything, being alive, and life just gets tedious and exhausting-and ten times moreso when your existence is meaningless. So why keep going through the motions?