The Life You Save May Be Your Own

DID, knitting, sci-fi, and strong opinions

Weird Day December 13, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — weordmyndum @ 9:07 pm
Tags: , ,

This morning was kind of insane.

Team Leader was supposed to take me to meet this new therapist. Well, she doesn’t have a cell phone. It’s a thirty minute drive if the traffic is perfect, and when she hadn’t shown up by 45 minutes before the appointment, I got anxious.

First I called Fake Therapist, but she didn’t pick up the phone. So I called Nurse, who came over and gave me a ride. While we were on the way, Team Leader called–she’d gotten caught in bad traffic. Nurse and I managed to get there only two minutes late, and Team Leader met us there just a few minutes later.

I think the meeting went pretty well. It was mostly me and Team Leader talking, so I didn’t get much of a sense of what the therapist is like. But I didn’t dislike her, and she didn’t seem to be scared off by all the dissociative stuff.

Also, she has a dog! She’s not a therapy dog as such, but she comes in the therapy room and is really friendly. Sweet, gorgeous golden retriever. Having a dog in the office definitely wins this woman some points. Just don’t tell Winston I’m cheating on him with another dog.

I made an appointment for next week, and I guess I’ll go from there.

Then this afternoon, I met with Fake Therapist. She said she noticed at the Christmas party that I’ve lost weight and asked if I was slipping back into the eating disorder.

I looked her in the face and lied.

The lie bothers me less than the fact that I don’t know why I told it. I’m generally very attuned to my motivation for doing things, even/especially seemingly illogical things. Honestly, I just don’t understand this relapse in general. I don’t know why I’m doing any of it. “Because I damn well feel like it” isn’t an adequate answer for me. If I’m going to destroy myself, I want to know why.


3 Responses to “Weird Day”

  1. Bourbon Says:

    Glad it went okay x

  2. Grainne Says:

    So glad everyone was at least on route to make it work for you 🙂 I *love* the idea of that puppy wandering around the therapy room. What a wonderful idea, to have the kind soul of an animal around for clients to enjoy. I realize that this would only appeal to dog lovers, but you most certainly fit that description 😀 Maybe that patient, loyal energy will help you more than you expect.

    WHEW on an okay visit. I’m really interested to see how the first real session turns out. xxx

  3. Pen Says:

    Hm. A dog in a therapist’s room? That sounds interesting. I’d be more likely to trust them probably. Maybe.

    I get you on the lying about eating. I’ve been doing that lately too. I’m not sure why. I think the pressure of the holidays has me really on edge. It always seems to be about eating, eating, eating. I don’t see the point.

    Sending warm thoughts. Stay safe ❤

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