The Life You Save May Be Your Own

DID, knitting, sci-fi, and strong opinions

Open December 2, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — weordmyndum @ 6:28 am
Tags: ,

I’ve been thinking about telling my family about my political involvement–or, rather, not hiding it anymore.

I’m tired of hiding myself and my beliefs. I’m tired of fragmenting myself, being this person to my family and that person to others. I want to be me, without apologies or revisions.

It’s just such an effort, all the hiding. Making sure you don’t let it slip. Making sure no one else lets it slip. I don’t want my grandfather taking up that much space in my head.

Plus, I have the deadline for when my treatment is over, so that threat doesn’t frighten me anymore.

The only thing stopping me is that there are still parts of me that want his approval and his love. It frustrates me that I still want that. I want to be able to not give a damn if people approve of me, and with most people I don’t. But I think we all have those child parts who crave the approval of the people who raised us.

But now there’s a chance I could get a job with a company that does canvasses for various left-wing groups. If I get the job, I don’t want to hide it from my family. In my fantasy, they’d be thrilled for me. In reality, I know that won’t be their reaction. Still, I want to stop hiding such a large part of my life. It feels too much like lying. I want to be all of me.


2 Responses to “Open”

  1. joanna Says:

    In my society I am considered strange and difficult compared to the norm. Even to my family. In the past the few times I acted and reacted so that certain people approved, it still didn’t work – it was never good enough. They would always find something else to criticise. I stopped doing it even on those rare occasions, and you know what? The people who care, and can accept you and your decisions will still be there.

  2. Grainne Says:

    I’ll be thrilled for you! (Am!!)

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