The Life You Save May Be Your Own

DID, knitting, sci-fi, and strong opinions

Unbearable November 30, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — weordmyndum @ 3:48 am
Tags: , , , , , ,

I need to see a doctor.

I went off birth control in February or March. I’d been on it for around three years for PMDD, but I went off it because it stopped helping.

First, it was just that my periods were irregular. No big deal. That happens when you go off birth control, and it’s just an annoyance.

But then the pain. I’ve never had painful periods–I hardly even had cramps, and when I did, a couple Tylenol took care of it. But it’s been getting worse and worse for the last 4 or 5 months. I’ve been using a stash of flexeril that my PCP gave me for my back months ago. It mostly helped.

And tonight is just unbearable. I’ve taken flexeril AND. Vicodin, and it’s still all I can do to keep from moaning and/or screaming. I’m nauseous and dizzy, and I’m alternating between hot flashes and cold sweats. I might even belong in the ER tonight, but I won’t go.

I won’t go because I can’t deal with anyone poking around at my privates. Because it will trigger panic and flashbacks. Because I’m 99% sure I would switch, and I don’t know if I’d end up with someone who’d scream hysterically, someone who’d kick the doctor in the face, someone who would try to beg her way out of there…no idea. And mentally/emotionally, I feel good. I don’t want to deal with abuse and trauma stuff. The pain will go away in a few days.

I know something is probably wrong. You don’t get pain like this if the plumbing is working right. I hate the pain, and I don’t want to be alone with it. But if I tell anyone on my team, they’ll make me see a doctor. And they should–it’s the right thing to do. But I won’t let them do it. Apparently I’d rather be alone with the pain than be alone with the trauma memories.

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9 Responses to “Unbearable”

  1. Grainne Says:

    Oh no!! 😦 I sure Understand your hesitation to go to emerg but are you sure you’re okay to get through the night? You have such a high pain tolerance from the chronic stuff…for you to suffer like this, it must be really intense. *worries*. (Really concerned about your core temp fluctuating like that …)

    • weordmyndum Says:

      I’ll be okay. I’ll be fine in a day or two.

      I’d go to the ER if they’d just give me better muscle relaxers or painkillers and send me home, but I seriously doubt they would.

      I just…I don’t want to be alone with this. But what’s the point in waking up anyone on my team when I know I wouldn’t let them help?

      whinewhinewhine

  2. I know that you are enjoying all of this suffering, but I need to tell you this. This is very important. There is an old woman cursing you with the evil eye. Stay away from her.

    And next week, when you walk through the door, you will trip and almost fall. But you won’t fall, you’ll just hit your head. It will be on this day, at this moment, that your luck will change. You will be rich in 10 years. I am so sorry to do this to you. But hey, I just thought you’d like to know.

  3. Painful periods don’t necessarily mean something is wrong… (this is one of the few things I actually know about, ended up three times on ER in most terrible state with my period but they never found something wrong with the plumbing, it ended up simply being chemical imbalances)
    Hope it’ll soon get better! Get well soon!


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