Ex-Housemate, the food police and passive-aggressive extraordinaire, emailed me today to see if I wanted to have dinner since she’s moving to New York soon. LOL WUT. Strangely, there’s a part of me that wants to say yes. I don’t get that.
Today’s been a switch-fest. No particular reason, wasn’t triggered or anything. Just everybody trying to do different stuff at once: watch Stargate, sing Christmas carols, knit a hat, play with Winston, play iPhone dragon games, check email, write, eat leftovers, cuddle the baby doll. It was pretty weird. Sometimes having DID can be pretty comical.
I really need to fucking call the list of possible therapists. Things are going well and I’m happy, but I feel myself itching to process stuff that’s happening. I keep thinking I have therapy tomorrow, and I feel relieved until I remember I fired NT. It’s not even that I want to talk to NT–I just want to talk to somebody whose entire purpose is just to sit there and listen.
But I haven’t made a single call, and I’m frustrated as hell with myself. I have a script and a list of questions, but I know no matter what I say, I’ll feel like it’s wrong. I’ll feel stupid and ashamed and panicky, and I might very well end up cutting or purging to shut those feelings off. But for god’s sake, I’m 26. I should be able to make phone calls.
I also need to call the back doctor’s office and see if I can get a follow-up sooner than four weeks. The last two days have been bad pain days, and that’s unusual considering I haven’t been on my feet much. I’m hoping it’s just taking longer for the cortisone to kick in than the last two times, but I should see him sooner if I can. If nothing else, I need to talk to him about pain meds. I may have to ask for something stronger than the Vicodin.
Also, I want snow! All the meteorologists have been saying we’re in for a bad winter, but it’s been fairly warm for November, and no snow yet. As a reformed Southerner, I still think snow is awesome, mainly because I don’t have to shovel it or drive in it. One of my favorite things in the world is to walk down the street at night when it’s snowing. I love the way the snow swirls in the streetlight beams. And last year, I hiked up a mountain in the snowstorm (not my best idea ever) and climbed up to the top of a fire tower. I could actually hear the snow falling. You think it’s silent, but it’s got its own indecipherable whisper.
Right. That’s it for now from the Department of Random.