The Life You Save May Be Your Own

DID, knitting, sci-fi, and strong opinions

Bad Day November 1, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — weordmyndum @ 1:01 am
Tags: , , , , , ,

Today was bad.

I’d mostly gotten over the intense suicidality, but I was still having a really hard time.

I had an appointment with NT this afternoon (usually it’s on Monday, but I’d had to reschedule because of the hurricane) and told her how awful I was feeling. The last thing I remember was telling her my family hates me and wishes it was me who had died.

The next thing I know, I’m in the hospital ER and it’s 4 hours later. From what I could piece together, I dissociated and NT called an ambulance. But judging from the time I was admitted to the ER, NT didn’t even spend the rest of the session trying to ground me before calling the ambulance. For that matter, I don’t even know if she tried to ground me at all! Even my Windhorse fake therapist manages to get me grounded when I dissociate, so if NT did try, she must not have tried very hard.

When I finally “woke up” at the hospital, I was alone in a hallway. I kept trying to call my Windhorse team, but the calls wouldn’t go through because I had no cell signal. Finally I texted my nurse, who talked to the ER people and got Fake Therapist to come get me and bring me home.

I’m really, REALLY upset with NT. She knows I’ve been traumatized in hospitals, and I remember specifically telling her today that I didn’t need to be inpatient. She knew I have a whole team at Windhorse, but she apparently didn’t call any of them. Just called the ambulance. I cannot BELIEVE this.

Oh, and for added fun, the ER called my grandparents because they were listed as emergency contacts. They bothered my grandmother the day after she lost her sister, and now my grandfather is going to throw a tantrum about me. He might cut off my treatment because he’ll say this incident proves I’m not making any progress.

And now I’ve got to start all over again looking for a new therapist. Took me months just to find this one.

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3 Responses to “Bad Day”

  1. Grainne Says:

    WTF is wrong with NT???? She KNEW you had issues with hospitals! I guess she panicked when she couldn’t bring you out of your dissociation but why didn’t she at least stay with you? Or call someone from Windhorse like you said? Wow, honey, I’m so sorry. 😦

    I hope your grandfather keeps his cool and focuses on other things though this.

    And…you were taken to the ER by ambulance and triaged as mental health, then they left you alone in a hallway!? God Sara. That is one crappy day indeed.

    • weordmyndum Says:

      Yeah, I’m done with NT. There were SO many things wrong with how she handled the situation, and I’m so angry I can hardly deal with it.

      Oh, and for added fun? When the ER staff called, she said she couldn’t talk because she was having a dinner party. Glad to know where I rank on the importance scale.

      She called last night around 10:30 and left me a voicemail. I haven’t listened to it. There’s nothing she can say that will make this okay. I’m already having to restrain someone in my system from calling her and telling her EXACTLY what we think of her. Also having fantasies of going back and wrecking her office. I’d never actually do it, but it’s a very satisfying image.

      I’m just glad I was finally able to get ahold of my Windhorse team. Would’ve been even more of a disaster if I’d ended up on the locked psych unit.

      • Grainne Says:

        Oh my god! That’s even worse! I can’t believe she did that to you, dumped you there and left to have her dinner party! I was astounded that she hadn’t stayed with you in the first place, considering the fact that it was an absolute mistake and waste of time to send you to the ER.

        That is one woman who is most definitely in the wrong profession. Although I know you’ll have a difficult time finding someone knew, I’ve gotta say, I’m quite glad you’re not going to see her again. 😦


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