I just got an email from my mother.
My Great Aunt Jane, my grandmother’s older sister, is in the hospital and isn’t expected to last the week. Apparently my grandmother isn’t taking it well.
I should call. I should do something to at least try to comfort her. We have huge differences, my grandparents and I, but her sister is dying, for god’s sake.
But I don’t want to call. I don’t want to talk to them. They think I’m a worthless failure. I can’t have a single conversation with them where it doesn’t come up, and I just can’t deal with that.
I’m going to feel terrible whether I talk to my grandparents or not. The question is which option will make me feel less terrible.
And I have no idea. But probably I’ll just be avoidant and not call.
And while I’m being a terrible person, I also want to send my mother an email in reply that says, “Thanks for asking how I’m doing, since I’m getting HIT BY A FUCKING HURRICANE and stuff.”