The Life You Save May Be Your Own

DID, knitting, sci-fi, and strong opinions

Frozen Silence October 27, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — weordmyndum @ 5:15 am
Tags: , ,

I’m having trouble talking.

I hate when this happens. I’m supposed to be good with words; I used to be a writer. But now I’m just…silent. And I don’t want to be.

I have a number of friends, both online and in real life, who are having a hard time. I want to be there, to say the right things that will make them feel at least a little better. But the words just aren’t there. Just saying “I hear you and I care” seems completely inadequate, so I just can’t say anything.

I can’t say anything to people about myself, either. Yesterday, Fake Therapist asked me how it was going with NT. I hesitated and then told her everything is fine. I don’t know why, exactly. I just knew if I tried to talk about it, I’d end up frozen.

I have these weird dissociative episodes sometimes. I don’t think they’re switches. I just get frozen–can’t talk, can’t move. Most of the time, I’m still there, still conscious. In my head I’m repeating over and over the words I want to say, screaming at my body to move. But I can’t, sometimes not for hours. it often happens when I’m dealing with memories or flashbacks or when I’m trying to talk about really difficult things.

I just get the sense lately that trying to talk about anything of substance, I’ll end up frozen. It frustrates me intensely. I don’t know what to do. I hate this.


2 Responses to “Frozen Silence”

  1. colourtheday Says:

    I know exactly how that feels! For me, writing is the thing that works… and you are good at that at least! Sending you a hug, hope you feel better soon! 🙂

  2. Grainne Says:

    Times like those I just ht the “like” button so those who care know I was there. I hope the silence breaks for you soon. Xx

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