The Life You Save May Be Your Own

DID, knitting, sci-fi, and strong opinions

Nightmare October 12, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — weordmyndum @ 3:56 pm
Tags: , , , ,

Susan (middle sister) and I are at my father’s house. We’re sleeping in the same bed so I can protect her from him. But then, in the middle of the night, I wake up because Susan is sexually abusing me.

(This may be based on reality. I know he forced me to abuse her, so it’s not unlikely that he forced her to hurt me.)

I try to kill myself and fail. I end up in a hospital, and my mother and Emily (youngest sister) are locked up with me. Everyone there is hurting me–my father, Susan, the doctors–but I keep Emily safe. I tell them I will kill them if they touch her, and I mean it. My mother is catatonic, so no one bothers with her.

Emily and I plan an escape. We’re trying to get our mother to cooperate and come with us, but she won’t speak or move. Emily gets herself and my mother out, but the doctors catch me. They strip me naked and stick a needle in my back. It paralyzes me. They tie me down to the bed in four-point restraints. I know they’re going to hurt me and they’ll never stop.

I woke up sobbing.

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5 Responses to “Nightmare”

  1. Oh this sounds awful. I’m so sorry. Any sort of hospital dreams horrify me…..
    I know there isn’t much I can say or do to help, but sending warm thoughts at least…

  2. Grainne Says:

    I hate nightmares. *holds your hand* 😦

  3. Bourbon Says:

    How horrifying. I hope you are okay after that xx

    • weordmyndum Says:

      Honestly, I’m really not. There’s all this screaming in my head. Somebody said it was Laura or Anna strapped to a bed and locked away. I didn’t even know there was an Anna.

      I want out. I want so badly for this to be just an overactive imagination. Not sure I can take much more.

      • Bourbon Says:

        If I just share what my therapist did for us on Friday… Perhaps it can help in this situation? Sometimes alters get stuck in the inner world in places that are basically a recreation of what happened to them outside. The difference being in the inner world you can change their reality. You can let them know that they can now undo the restraints and get away from the bed. No one is holding them there anymore. The abusers are away from you now and you are safe. Perhaps somehow you can pass this information back and hopefully it will reach Laura or Anna somehow. You all have control now. The power to change things. I know it’s so much easier said than done but I hope so badly that somehow it helps.


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