I had an honest-to-god binge tonight for the first time in probably a year.
I’ve probably mentioned my eating disorder in passing here. It’s been mostly in remission for the last year and a half, but it nearly killed me several times. It started as anorexia, turned into bulimia, and teetered back and forth for ten years.
I had been fighting the binge urge for almost a week. I resisted going to the grocery store so I wouldn’t buy binge food, but today I had to go–I was down to eating plain oatmeal. I knew it would be bad. I tried to walk past the aisles with binge foods, but I just didn’t have the self-control.
Everything seems so out of control.
I know it’s a coping thing. None of the good coping skills work well enough, so I turn to the self-destructive ones. Eventually I always circle back to this.
But I didn’t purge. I guess that’s something, right?