The Life You Save May Be Your Own

DID, knitting, sci-fi, and strong opinions

Partial Flashbacks (Holly) September 2, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — weordmyndum @ 4:47 pm
Tags: , , , , ,

I–or somebody here–have been having these partial flashbacks. I don’t even know if that’s a real thing…just don’t know what else to call it. It’s like a freeze-frame memory–not the whole thing, just one moment, frozen, with us stuck reliving it over and over. And it’s not just the visual–I can feel it, too.

I keep feeling it–like I’m choking, like I can’t breathe. I keep throwing up and I don’t mean to–it’s not on purpose, and I’m not sick. Just…stuck, reliving this one moment, this one feeling…no way to make it stop.

I don’t want to be here–want it to be someone else’s turn–want to disappear somewhere inside that I can’t feel anything. But…I’m stuck. I’m not even all the way here really. Floating–only partly connected to the body. Wish I could just float away–not feel anything. Should probably be trying grounding skills but I don’t want to–then I’d feel it even more. Don’t want to. Just want to stop it–want to get unfrozen. How do I make this stop?

Holly

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One Response to “Partial Flashbacks (Holly)”

  1. Bourbon Says:

    Freeze frame memory I can relate to. That’s pretty much all *my* flashbacks are. It does make it feel it is stuck in you and you can’t get away from it. I’m sorry this is happening to you 😦 I’m wracking my brain trying to think of a way I deal with it and help myself move on but I’m not coming up with anything. Except distraction. But I know how weak that sounds. Wish I could help more xx


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