I have a confession to make.
I’ve been seeing NT for maybe about a month now, and I haven’t told her about the DID. I guess I’m just too scared. She knows I have a history of severe trauma, and she knows I dissociate.
I guess I’m afraid if I tell her, she might think I’m making it up. I was diagnosed by a therapist with a lot of experience with dissociative clients and a PhD, and the diagnosis was confirmed by a psychiatrist who’s an expert in DID. But when I was hospitalized last summer at Menninger, which is supposed to be one of the best psych hospitals in the country, I was told they “saw no sign of DID whatsoever” and that I was making it up as “part of a borderline ploy for attention.” So now I’m afraid no one will believe me, even though NT is nothing like the people at that Menninger.
I feel like I should tell her. I think I switched in my session on Monday. She told me today that she’d thought I was dissociating, so her being able to pick up on it herself is a really good sign. She really needs the whole picture, though.
I’m also afraid that if I tell her she would think I’m a liar because I didn’t tell her earlier. And I’m afraid she would dump me for being too messed up it took me months and months to find a good therapist, and I really like her–so I (and others) would be really hurt if she dumped us.
I know I need to tell her. I just don’t know how to make myself do it.