The Life You Save May Be Your Own

DID, knitting, sci-fi, and strong opinions

Guess I’ll Go Eat Worms August 8, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — weordmyndum @ 1:09 am
Tags: , ,

Right now I am irrationally convinced everyone hates me.

Ex is 20 minutes late picking me up for the concert we’re supposed to be going to. Why? Because he hates me, of course.

Nurse bullied the doctor’s office into doing my facet joint injection tomorrow, but she scheduled it for the same time as I’m supposed to have therapy. Even though she didn’t know my schedule, she obviously did it because she hates me.

I called NT1.0 to tell her I can’t come tomorrow, but as soon as I said who I was, she said, “I’m gonna have to call you back.” Obviously that means she hates me. Several hours later she hasn’t called back, so she must be REALLY mad.

I know I’m being irrational, but knowing that doesn’t make me feel better. I was so worked up I had to take both of my PRNs (gabapentin and quetiapine). Most of you probably know by now how much I hate taking drugs, but I was seriously afraid I would self-harm if I didn’t. Even after taking them, I’m still retry anxious. I hate this. Why is my brain suddenly mutinying these last few weeks? I hate it.


4 Responses to “Guess I’ll Go Eat Worms”

  1. brandic32 Says:

    Sorry you’re having such a hard time Sara. I know how hard it can be sometimes.

    Just for the record, I don’t hate you. xx

  2. Bourbon Says:

    I’m sorry you are feeling this way – I know what it is like to get bogged down with irrational thinking like this. I had to tell my therapist the other day that when she doesn’t sign off her text messages I think it is because she hates me… what nonsense is that?
    I didn’t realise you took PRN quetiapine. That’s really helpful to know because I wasn’t sure if you could take quetiapine just as and when you need it. I thought it needed to be an every day thing and I’m going to the GP soon to get some emergency medication and I may suggest going back on the quetiapine for this job. Hmm. Hope the concert went well! Thanks xx

    • weordmyndum Says:

      Well, if you need the antipsychotic effects , you do have to take it daily. But if you just need the anxiolytic effects, you can take it PRN. I take a very small dose(6.25 mg, a 25 mg pill cut into fourths) because even 25 mg puts me to sleep for 24 hours. But I’m absurdly sensitive to anything sedating.

      • Bourbon Says:

        Yes. I’m very very sensitive to any drug so when iv taken diazepam n that in the past it’s been a very minuscule amount! I almost wish I had sum tonight (staying round friends house because of how bad things are at home). Wish you could magic me some across :p really must get that GP visit in place. X

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