The Life You Save May Be Your Own

DID, knitting, sci-fi, and strong opinions

July 31, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — weordmyndum @ 11:52 pm

Everything hurts and I’m pissed and I don’t really know what’s wrong and there’s all this noise in my head and I want some fucking quiet and there’s no reason for me to be this screwed up and I want to scream and I want to hurt somebody and I want a hug and I want a vacation from my scumbag brain and I want somebody to fix me and I want everybody to fuck off and I don’t know who I am and I don’t know what I’m doing with my life and I’m a bad friend and I’m not a grown-up and I ruin everything and everyone hates me and I have no idea what I’m doing ever and I don’t know why I feel like this and I don’t know how I messed my life up so bad and I want to be normal and I want to have a life and I think I’m incapable of having a life and I feel like I’m just playing pretend all the time and this isn’t my house or my room or my life and I feel like nothing’s real and I feel like the sky is falling and I just can’t make anything make sense right now.

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8 Responses to “…”

  1. Bourbon Says:

    I think you channeled the exact conversation I had with my therapist earlier. How uncanny. I am sorry you’re in this headspace too. But you know – you’ve had a busy few days with the moving and the back problems and stuff so I guess this is a bit of a come down from that? It sounds like your brain is spinning. I hope it stops moving so fast soon x

    • weordmyndum Says:

      Yeah, I suspect it’s a combination of several factors: moving, physical pain, and difficult therapy session. I just wanna know where the off switch for my brain is.

      • Bourbon Says:

        I bet. When I wrote a post similar to this a few people said sleep really helps them find that off-switch. Do you find that? Is sleep a break for you? x

  2. brandic32 Says:

    I know the place you’re in, and it’s just so hard. Hugs and support all around. xx

  3. rainey Says:

    All I can say is…I know. Hugs ~Rainey

  4. lindakay1948 Says:

    I wish I could knit beautiful socks and other things like you do. 🙂

    I wonder if your meds might be contributing to the way you are feeling. When I was on Haldol I remember experiencing what I think was dystonia, and also akathisia. It was torture! That was over 29 years ago, and I’ve been drug-free ever since.

    Perhaps you’re familiar with psychiatrist, Dr. Peter Breggin, author of such books as “Toxic Psychiatry” and “Medication Madness”, both of which I have read. Dr. Breggin has stated that he only prescribes meds in order to wean people off of them. He is a hero to many of us. His practice is in Ithica, NY, but I’m sure he could help you find someone to help you wean off the meds if you wanted to.

    Here’s a link:

    http://breggin.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=294&Itemid=128

    I hope it helps.

    Sincerely,

    Linda Kay

    • weordmyndum Says:

      I’m working with a psychiatrist who is tapering me off meds. I suspect my issues are due to the fact that both my parents abused me for most of my life. I don’t like meds, but there’s only so much you can blame on them.

  5. 😦 I understand how those frantic thoughts keep building like that. *hugs*


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