I feel like a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad person today.
I feel like I’m a bad puppy parent. Why? Because Winston had a few accidents in the house. Because he chews on everything and bites me, hard. These are totally normal, if undesirable, puppy behaviors. I know this, but I still feel like a terrible person.
And I feel like I’m a bad therapy client. I feel like I failed because I couldn’t make it work with NT2.0, and I’m irrationally convinced that I’m going to ruin things with NT1.0 and make her hate me.
I even felt like I was bad at kung fu tonight, for no reason at all. Hell, I nailed some flying side kicks, but I still feel like a gigantic fucking failure.
I suspect this is all from going off my meds suddenly. Yes, they were prescribed for sleep–but two of them were antidepressants. It may be that I need an AD to augment the L-methylfolate, or it could be that I’m just adjusting to going off the AD’s so quickly. It’s definitely worse at night, and I’m not sure why. I take the L-methylfolate in the morning and had been taking the AD’s at night, so it could be that the L-methylfolate is out of my system by nighttime–its half-life is only 3 hours. I should talk to Nurse about that tomorrow.
I’m trying to hang onto the knowledge that I’m not a terrible person and this is just my brain chemistry going wonky, but it’s really hard and isn’t helping much right now. I hate asking for help, especially right now (just more “proof” that I’m a bad person), but I could really use some reassurance and support.