I’m firing NT2.0.
I was really upset when I went to therapy this morning, and I guess it showed because she asked me what was wrong. It was the stuff with Ex-Boyfriend, but I didn’t really feel safe talking about it. I told NT2.0, “I don’t know you well enough or trust you enough to tell you. It’s not safe.” I thought that was a pretty clear answer.
Apparently not, though, because she spent the rest of the session interrogating me about what was wrong: “Is it something with your Windhorse team? Is it PMS? Did you get in a fight with somebody?”
I’m sorry, but WHAT PART OF NO DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?
Of course, I didn’t say that. I couldn’t. I wanted to jump up and run out and keep running for miles, but I couldn’t do that either. I just sat there and panicked and dissociated and shut down and didn’t–couldn’t–say a word. I just watched the clock, waiting for her to tell me I should go and hating myself for not having the guts to just leave.
I didn’t even tell her I’m not coming back.
Seriously, what is WRONG with people lately? First Ex-Boyfriend and now my [Ex-]Therapist.
I’m especially upset with NT2.0. I was clearer with her than with Ex-Boyfriend. Plus, she’s a therapist–doesn’t that mean she should understand and respect boundaries? Don’t they teach you that in therapist school? Okay, I didn’t actually say the word NO, but I’m fairly certain “I don’t feel safe talking about it” means the same thing. And I had a shift with Counselor directly afterward and ran it by him, as he has a private practice as a therapist. He agreed that what I said should’ve been the end of it, and he said it was about her discomfort, not about me. Well, boo-fucking-hoo, lady; if you’re uncomfortable, get your own damn therapist. Don’t take it out on me.
I mean, what do I have to do, get a t-shirt with NO in twelve-inch-tall letters and wear it every day? It shouldn’t be this hard. No should mean no, end of story.