The Life You Save May Be Your Own

DID, knitting, sci-fi, and strong opinions

No More June 27, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — weordmyndum @ 9:36 pm
Tags: , , , , , ,

I’m firing NT2.0.

I was really upset when I went to therapy this morning, and I guess it showed because she asked me what was wrong.  It was the stuff with Ex-Boyfriend, but I didn’t really feel safe talking about it.  I told NT2.0, “I don’t know you well enough or trust you enough to tell you.  It’s not safe.”  I thought that was a pretty clear answer.

Apparently not, though, because she spent the rest of the session interrogating me about what was wrong: “Is it something with your Windhorse team?  Is it PMS?  Did you get in a fight with somebody?”

I’m sorry, but WHAT PART OF NO DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?

Of course, I didn’t say that.  I couldn’t.  I wanted to jump up and run out and keep running for miles, but I couldn’t do that either.  I just sat there and panicked and dissociated and shut down and didn’t–couldn’t–say a word.  I just watched the clock, waiting for her to tell me I should go and hating myself for not having the guts to just leave.

I didn’t even tell her I’m not coming back.

Seriously, what is WRONG with people lately?  First Ex-Boyfriend and now my [Ex-]Therapist.

I’m especially upset with NT2.0.  I was clearer with her than with Ex-Boyfriend.  Plus, she’s a therapist–doesn’t that mean she should understand and respect boundaries?  Don’t they teach you that in therapist school?  Okay, I didn’t actually say the word NO, but I’m fairly certain “I don’t feel safe talking about it” means the same thing.  And I had a shift with Counselor directly afterward and ran it by him, as he has a private practice as a therapist.  He agreed that what I said should’ve been the end of it, and he said it was about her discomfort, not about me.  Well, boo-fucking-hoo, lady; if you’re uncomfortable, get your own damn therapist.  Don’t take it out on me.

I mean, what do I have to do, get a t-shirt with NO in twelve-inch-tall letters and wear it every day?  It shouldn’t be this hard.  No should mean no, end of story.

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One Response to “No More”

  1. Bourbon Says:

    Yes it should… that was a pretty assertive thing for you to say and for her to totally dismiss it… well no wonder you are going to fire her. She is supposed to listen to you and accommodate to your needs not try to force blood out of a stone with you. Surely the big problem is that you don’t feel safe enough to tell her stuff — THAT is what she should be focusing on — not what you are particularly upset about in your life. Bleh. Sorry the session was so frustrating.


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