So I think I’m going to look for a new therapist. Again. I talked to Pseudo-Therapist about it today, and she was of the opinion that it couldn’t hurt to start looking. I can stick with NT2.0 until I find somebody I like better. For once, Pseudo-Therapist said something that was both sensible and useful. (God, I’m a bitch. Even more than usual.) I think I do need to trust my instincts on this. NT2.0 is nice, but I don’t feel any connection. How am I supposed to deal with my trauma issues with someone I can’t connect to, let alone trust?
The temperature is supposed to drop tomorrow. Still in the high 80’s/low 90’s, but it’ll still be better than what it is now. This is just miserable. I have the window unit in my room, which is great, but it doesn’t help cool down the rest of the apartment. I bought all the ingredients for vegan cream of mushroom soup (had a serious craving at 2:00 a.m., thanks to crazy hormones), but I just can’t bring myself to cook or eat anything requiring heat.
And you know what annoys the crap out of me? It was 10 degrees cooler today in Birmingham than it was in Northampton. The fuck is that shit?! They’re 1000 miles south of us!
I know it’s insane, but I spent an hour and a half out in the sun drilling my form for kung fu. My test is in a week, and there are all these details that I have to get right. I know that’s just my perfectionism talking–they don’t let you test until they know you’ll pass–but the idea of screwing up even minor details makes me a little panicky. I need to go through all my holds, too–there are 33 I have to know for this test, and I keep mixing them all up. But it’s hard to practice those on my own–I need an attacker.
I haven’t heard back from either of the volunteer jobs I applied for. I know it’s been less than a week and I should give it time, but I have this irrational sense that they somehow knew I was crazy and don’t want me. Which is ridiculous, I know. I made sure my references didn’t include that I’m bughouse nuts. But I just can’t help feeling that way.
I really hope I get some sleep tonight.