I’m looking into several different possibilities for volunteer work, so I’m trying to write a resume.
It’s depressing because I have almost nothing to report for the last 4 or 5 years. I mean, I can’t really write “extensive experience with insanity and self destruction” on there, can I? That’s not a thing that inspires confidence in people.
I used to do so much. I worked at a science museum, Teen Court, the zoo, a school for multi-handicapped kids, pro-choice group, Special Olympics, a home-repair program, taught creative writing to second-graders, helped in the nursery at my church. The last 5 years, I’ve done nothing but sit at home, and there’s a huge gap in my resume to go with it. I feel useless and worthless.
It’s also depressing because a resume leaves no space for personality. I disappear into what I’ve done (or haven’t done). It’s a rerun of growing up: all that matters is what you do, not who you are. I don’t want that.
I know I’m hormonal and that’s why this is getting me down so much. But just because I’m hormonal doesn’t make it untrue–I’ve done nothing in 5 years. I really have become useless. I don’t want to be irrelevant anymore.