The Life You Save May Be Your Own

DID, knitting, sci-fi, and strong opinions

Sleepless June 15, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — weordmyndum @ 12:25 am

I’m not sleeping.  Again.  Which fucking sucks.


Seriously, last night I had a vivid hallucination that there was a rabbit in my room, and one of the cats was trying to catch it.  I have an anaphylactic rabbit allergy, so I started freaking out about said rabbit.  It wasn’t until I got out of bed to chase it out of my bedroom that I realized there was no rabbit.


Damn, I used to be a lot better at sleep deprivation.  Used to be I wouldn’t hallucinate until I’d gone 4 days with absolutely no sleep.  I’ve been sleeping a bit the last few days, so it’s not even total sleep deprivation.  But my brain is totally nonfunctional, and I’m hallucinating bunnies.


I have to find out if Medicare will cover another sleep study.  The sleep issues have been getting progressively wonkier for a while now.  We’d adjust the meds and I’d do okay for a while, but it just never quite gets back to a good equilibrium.  My psychiatrist is out of ideas, so hopefully I can get a repeat sleep study done, as I’m pretty sure it’s a circadian rhythm issue.  Not really a psychiatrist’s area of expertise.


Plus, Hormonal Hell Week starts in a few days, and that on top of sleep deprivation is just a recipe for unpleasantness.  This shit needs to get figured out.  I’m so tired of dealing with doctors–I just want something to WORK already.


4 Responses to “Sleepless”

  1. magicallymad Says:

    I SO hear that. Well, not sleep deprivation or hallucinating rabbits (although I’d trade in the Cenobites that mark my depression for your rabbits any day), but just being resistant to meds in general. Assuming you’ve tried it all, but I cannot sleep without elavil & when I do have trouble I just focus in my head & breathe “sleep” both in & out. If that doesn’t work I pretend I’m in a small boat in the middle of the ocean & that Jaws in lurking about. Somehow danger just knocks me out.

    Just thought I’d share my own remedies. But I know chronic insomnia can be impenetrable & can drive someone out of their minds. So sorry, hope it’s better tonight.

    • weordmyndum Says:

      I actually already take amitriptyline. I have a bizarre combination of sleep disorders (central sleep apnea, circadian rhythm disorder NOS, alpha-delta and the alpha-REM variant, and PTSD-induced nightmares), and that apparently means I don’t respond to most sleep meds. Frustrating as all hell.

      I actually did get some sleep. There was a lot of Benadryl involved. Not a great long-term solution, but it works in a pinch.

      • magicallymad Says:

        Oh god, I have learned so much about disorders I don’t have since starting my blog a couple of months ago. I am also med resistant (“treatment resistant depression”) but have been taking elavil for 16 years as a migraine/tension headache preventative. Thankful at least THAT works! Glad you got some sleep, I am always asking “so, anything new to the market?” So dying for something that helps. I hope they manage to find something for you! Hugs!

  2. Hormonal Hell Week. OMG. I know that shouldn’t make me laugh but it did. An evil one. Even when we know it’s coming there is no controlling the wrath.

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