The Life You Save May Be Your Own

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Reality and Reaction June 12, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — weordmyndum @ 4:33 am
Tags: , ,

How do you learn to accept your emotional reactions to situations as valid and okay?

 

I’m constantly second-guessing my reactions, particularly when I’m irritated, frustrated, angry, or hurt.  For most of my life, people (particularly my mother, but others too) told me I was hypersensitive and overreacted to everything.  If my reaction was rainbows and butterflies and unicorns crapping rainbows, I was wrong.  It got even worse once I started getting dragged to therapists and psychiatrists because then people could tell me it was all in my head.

 

After a lifetime of being told that, it worms its way into your brain.  I’m starting to feel like it isn’t true and my reactions are okay even if they’re not all shiny and happy.  The problem is I constantly second-guess myself.  If I have a “negative” reaction (I don’t like that term because it implies the feeling/reaction is wrong too, but it’s easier to refer to that way) I start worrying that I’m just being crazy and letting things get to me that shouldn’t bother me.  And I feel like a jerk for being upset with people.

 

I’d really like to stop doing that–but HOW?  I know on an intellectual level that my reactions are not outside the normal range of human reactions, but I still question myself constantly.  That leads to letting people treat me in ways I don’t want to be treated because I’m afraid I’ll be brushed off if I express “negative” feelings.  I’m not talking about major stuff like abuse, just the normal frustrations and anger of human interactions. Then I get pissed off at myself for letting people walk all over me, and that just intensifies the self-doubt.

 

How on earth do I break free of this?

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5 Responses to “Reality and Reaction”

  1. I wish I knew. 😦 I have some of the same problems. All my life, my parents and siblings have told me that I’m too sensitive. I feel like I can’t show that side of me in front of others because people will say it’s wrong. If a remark hurts me deeply, I feel like I must keep that to myself. If I start crying, I risk being called “too sensitive” and dismissed. People scoffing that I should control my emotions more. But I can’t help it. I’ve learned that I’m not the only sensitive person out there, but my sensitivity feels like a weakness because I’ve been conditioned to think that way.

  2. colourtheday Says:

    Anyhow, its very important that you know that you do this! Otherwise change is impossible. I try to differ between justified anger towards someone who I disagree with, and the frustrations over my own lack of self-esteem… Which sometimes occur… 🙂

  3. mm172001 Says:

    I have the same issues. If you ever figure it out, make sure you pass the secret along. What I tend to do is go to an objectiver person who’s opinion I trust, tell them the situation and my reaction and see what they think. Problem is I only have 2 of these and one is my therapist but it helps having the outside view.

  4. Bourbon Says:

    I too grew up being told I was too sensitive and to “lighten up”. As a result, I am constantly wondering if when I am hurt about something, or angry about something, it is an over the top reaction and people are just thinking: what a twit. I am constantly checking with people: “you’d feel like this if it was you, wouldn’t you?” and even if they say yes I assume they’re just trying to make me feel better. What a cycle! I can relate but I don’t think I have any answers. Sorry 😦 B


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