I’ve identified as asexual for as long as I’ve been aware of sexuality, before I even knew there were other people out there who considered themselves asexual. Toward the end of high school, I ran across the Asexual Visibility and Education Network, and realizing I wasn’t just some weirdo freak was a revelatory experience.
My sexuality has been in the forefront of my mind recently, what with the relationship with Kinda-Sorta-Ex-Boyfriend Guy. When we started speaking again recently, he told me he thought my asexuality was a result of my abuse. I tried to let it go, but it’s stuck with me. That attitude implies that he sees my sexuality as something that’s broken and needs to be fixed.
Then there was this post at Beyond Meds. (Beware: the writer is very strongly against psych meds pretty much ever, but the post is interesting if you can filter some of that out.) The part that really bothers me is when she speaks of asexuality as an ALARMING (emphasis hers) epidemic among young people on psych meds. Gee, yanno, I thought all the grown-ups wanted kids not to have sex or even think about sex, but maybe that’s just because I grew up in the Deep South. Anyway, much of this post is annoyed/inspired by the fact that I can’t leave a comment on the post at Beyond Meds, so my ranting will go here instead.
Most asexual people, myself included, don’t see asexuality as something wrong with us any more than gay or bisexual people see their sexuality as something wrong with them. We are not broken. A lot of us don’t feel like we’re missing out on the good stuff in life. We can be whole people living complete lives without sexual attraction and/or sex. There is nothing wrong with us.
It actually came up in my session with Pseudo-Therapist yesterday, when talking about Kinda-Sorta-Ex-Boyfriend Guy. Apparently I had mentioned asexuality to her in passing, and she asked about it. To her credit, she seemed open-minded about it, and I gave her some resources to look into.
I’m just tired of being seen as “broken” because of my sexuality. I was on antidepressants young (age 5) and was sexually abused, and those things are problematic. But my asexuality in and of itself? Not a problem, people. Stop acting like it is this horrific flaw. It’s complicated sometimes, but generally way less complicated than it seems to be for sexual people. I’m happy with it, and I neither need nor want to change it.