I may have found a therapist, which is great. I have an appointment with her on Wednesday morning, so I’ll see how that goes. She’s got a PhD in psychology, has been in practice about 30 years, and has worked with dissociative disorders (not sure if that includes DID), so I wouldn’t be her test case or anything. I don’t know if she has any experience with eating disorders; Pseudo-Therapist didn’t ask because I haven’t exactly told her I’m struggling with that again.
Kung fu continues to be fucking awesome, and tonight was the first time in several weeks that I haven’t had a panic attack afterward. Some anxiety, especially walking home, but not panic and paranoia. Apparently I’m no longer allowed to be the demonstration dummy for breaking holds, since there are a whole bunch that involve twisting people’s arms or pulling their fingers back. Because of my hypermobility, it doesn’t hurt me when it would hurt other people. Mas Amanda, one of the black belts, was demonstrating a hold in which you peel back the attacker’s index finger toward their wrist, which apparently hurts most people. She kept asking me, “Doesn’t this hurt yet?” I told her no.
So she calls the instructor over: “Pembontu, come look at Mas Sara’s finger!” So of course the entire class comes over to gawk at my freakishly flexible fingers. It was pretty funny, and Pembontu said, “Don’t demonstrate on Mas Sara anymore. You might break her finger off by accident!” Lulz, let’s hope not. Just because my joints are hypermobile doesn’t mean my bones are bendy.
I also FINALLY finished the shawl of neverending garter stitch (a.k.a. Color Affection), and I’m really pleased with how it came out–I’m loving the asymmetricality. I did mine in teal, burgundy, and white (pictures coming after I weave in the ends). I’d love to do another one in more subtle colors, but I might die of boredom-induced calcification of the brain before I finished another one.