I’ve been trying to cut out calories to go with my new ability to exercise for the first time in forever and a week. I want to lose weight. I am, according to BMI standards, significantly overweight, just short of obese.
I have a history of both anorexia and bulimia, with multiple hospitalizations.
I generally eat a healthy diet, but I’ve developed this tendency to eat compulsively all day long. Most of what I’m eating isn’t unhealthy, but I’m taking in way too many calories.
So I cut back, drastically, over the past week or two. I’ve been obsessing about calories, and bad foods, temptation to purge when I eat “too much,” etc. Plus, my nurse wants me to try cutting out dairy to deal with a bad eczema flare-up, so that seems like even more of an excuse to cut out foods.
My tendency is to say I’m just dieting because in the past when I’ve been in a restrictive mode, it’s been extreme, mostly fasting or under 500 calories per day. What I’ve been doing is not that bad, but I think I’ve been coming in under 1000 calories per day. Some part of me says that’s not enough food…but another part says it can’t be too little because I’m not losing weight.
I don’t know why I’m even doing this. Things have been going great! Am I so afraid of happiness that I have to destroy myself? Or am I really just trying to get healthy? I need to get my head sorted out, but I don’t have anywhere else to turn right now.