The Life You Save May Be Your Own

DID, knitting, sci-fi, and strong opinions

Therapy is extremely expensive; popping bubble wrap is radically cheaper. March 14, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — weordmyndum @ 2:51 am
Tags: , ,

I am very frustrated with the therapist search.


New Therapist hasn’t called to say whether/when she’ll be back at work, and she’d said she’d let me know at the beginning of March.  I did call and leave her a voicemail today, but I assume that not hearing from her means she’s not back at work.  I’m frustrated at that, and then I feel like a jerk because she has some major medical issue.


So now I’m back to cold calling therapists.  It’s hard to find someone who takes Medicare and MassHealth.  And nobody picks up their phones, so it turns out to be a lot of telephone tag.  I really NEED someone who knows what they’re doing with trauma stuff!


In other news, I’m very sore from kung fu last week.  I am sore in places I didn’t know I had muscles.  But it’s good, though.  Means the muscles still know how to work after 2 years of being mostly sedentary.  I need to get back in shape, and I’ve always been bored with running or stationary bikes.  Doing martial arts isn’t boring, so I’m motivated to do it.  I really liked this dojo and the instructor–he seemed knowledgeable about working around back injuries.  So I’ll be sticking with this dojo.  There’s another class tomorrow night, and I hope some of the soreness will go away by then.


I have to figure out what to do about my scars, though.  They’re visible if I’m not covered to my wrists and ankles.  When I was studying karate in college, it wasn’t a problem because we trained in gis with long sleeves.  But at this dojo, they all seem to work out in gi pants and t-shirts.  The instructor said I could lose the gi top, and I made some conspicuously lame excuse for not taking it off.  I haven’t had to worry about covering my scars much for the past 4 years because I’ve been in psych treatment the whole time, where people don’t freak out so much about very visible scars.  Part of me wants to just make some stupid excuse for not wearing short sleeves, but part of me just wants to get it over with and let them see so nobody will freak out come summer when it’s too hot for long sleeves.


Ugh, I don’t know.  But I need to figure it out by tomorrow.


11 Responses to “Therapy is extremely expensive; popping bubble wrap is radically cheaper.”

  1. This title is the best.
    People will get over the scars. Scars tell a story. Like branches on a tree.
    I have a nasty one on the front of my throat from the cervical fusion. It does NOT look
    like one that “should” be there and I feel people looking at it. I say nothing and wonder what
    story they are telling themselves.
    Get comfy!
    The Cockroach

    • weordmyndum Says:

      The title is from a Jimmy Buffett song. I have a mildly embarrassing obsession with him. I can’t help it–I grew up in Alabama.

      I wish I didn’t care about people seeing my scars, but I do. I want people to like me, and people are likely to see someone covered in obviously self-inflicted scars and think they’re crazy/scary. When I lived in Boston and took public transit everywhere, people would stare at me constantly. It’s just really uncomfortable.

  2. I have nominated you for the TMI Blog Award.

    The TMI Blog Award honors those blogs that discuss everything in detail and do it well. These bloggers aren’t afraid to discuss their most awkward, embarrassing and intimate experiences with honesty, humor and little to no filter.

    I have no clue how to do this properly…so hopefully the link works. I do love your TMI!
    The Cockroach

  3. Grainne Says:

    I actually downloaded an app last night for my ipod that simulates popping bubble wrap…lol. It wasn’t half as much fun as the real stuff.

    Good on you…all that physical action. Can only do you good.

    I wish I could help you with the scars…I covered mine with tattoos so I don’t suspect that will be of much help to you.

  4. gypsy116 Says:

    I wish I could help with the scars issue, but all I can do is tell you what I did. I forced myself to pretend that I didnt care until I didnt care anymore. Stare all you want, every one has a story, every one has issues, if someone judges me based on my scars then probably not someone Id care to have like me anyway. I hope things get easier for you.

  5. Oh I know all too well about the difficulty in finding a new therapist so I feel for you! Sometimes they really piss me off when they say they’ll do something (by a particular time) and don’t. I know they’re “busy people” and all, but they should have learnt this by now, so maybe they shouldn’t make their promises so time specific if they’re only going to fail to meet the dead line. After all, they’re the ones always telling us to make goals realistic…
    and it can be pretty distressing.

    It’s awesome that you’ve found exercise that you enjoy too. I hope you can find a way to continue and be comfortable while you’re there. Can you maybe talk to the instructor privately and tell him you have personal reasons for wearing long sleeve and ask him not to bring it up in public again?

    • weordmyndum Says:

      Normally I’d be really annoyed with New Therapist, but she’s been out because she had some kind of major medical problem and has been in the hospital. Because she’s probably pretty sick, she gets a pass. But it’s still frustrating.

      As for kung fu, I just bit the bullet and wore short sleeves tonight. Nobody said anything, and I didn’t notice anyone staring at the scars. So that’s good.

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