The Life You Save May Be Your Own

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Money Management Fail March 7, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — weordmyndum @ 2:47 am
Tags: ,

I’ve totally messed up my money.


I’m really ashamed to admit to this.  Like, a LOT.  I come from a family that drilled money management into me–my grandfather’s the VP of investments at a major brokerage firm, and my mother always told me at great length about her money problems and how we were about to be living on the street–when I was in elementary school.  So there’s a lot of panic and shame happening.


When I was living at my last apartment, I had my rent autodrafted from my checking account so I didn’t have to worry about remembering to send it on time.  When I moved in the fall, I thought I called the bank to get them to stop the autodraft.  I’m not sure if I forgot or if something got messed up on their end–probably I just forgot.


I haven’t been paying much attention to my account.  I was in a pretty bad depression and just couldn’t be bothered to do it, not that that’s a good excuse.  Apparently the rent check was still being autodrafted from my account every month, and I didn’t realize it.  Then there was a screw-up with my SSI/SSDI, and I had no income for the 3 months it took to straighten that out.  Well, apparently the last autodraft caused an overdraft, and the bank shut down my account.  I just got the back checks from Social Security now that the problem with SSI/SSDI has been straightened out, but the ATM wouldn’t even let me deposit the money.


I’ve left a voicemail with the property management company about getting a refund for the autodraft rent checks, but they’re impossible to get in touch with.  I know I need to go sort this out with the bank, but I’m too panicked and ashamed.  I’m afraid they’re going to accuse me of fraud and not let me have an account anymore, and then I could lose my SSI/SSDI.  I’m panicked about not having money and ending up homeless–to the point that I’m having suicidal thoughts.  I know I need to just grow up and deal with it, but I can’t.  God, I just fail at life.  I’ve messed everything up now.


6 Responses to “Money Management Fail”

  1. Grainne Says:

    Oooh honey. I’ve been there too. I have a really big issue with calling creditors that I owe money too…I feel SO guilty and ashamed, just like you do. Once I let a loan go into default just because I couldn’t force myself to answer the phone and talk to them. 😦

    I know you already know that the people at the bank probably won’t shut down your account once they see what’s been going on. If it makes you feel any better at all, I live entirely in my overdraft and every time I hit the end of it I worry that they’re going to take it away. They never do though. Take a deep breath and make the call you need to make to get it sorted at the bank. Maybe you can do it over the phone? That’s always slightly easier for me. xx Good luck with this one. Money issues are terrible to deal with when you already feel like crap.

  2. Good luck. I’m a little confused about how this autodraft works. So, the rental company took the automatically drafted money even though you no longer lived there? Perhaps this is just something really obvious about money matters that I don’t know about. I try to keep things simple, as I can easily get confused about monetary terms.

    • weordmyndum Says:

      Basically, an autodraft is when you tell the bank to send a check for $X to Y Company every month/week/whatever. It’s all computerized, these days, so the computer I guess couldn’t see my account was empty.

      • Ah, so that’s what it is. I don’t trust such things, so I don’t mess with it. I wait to get the bill and make myself go online and pay it. Or actually sit down and write some checks. I never knew how long writing bills could take until I became an adult, ha. When people said they were going to “pay the bills,” I’d always wondered, why is it a big to-do, it takes like, what, two seconds? I pay bills as soon as I get them so that I don’t forget. I think if I used autodraft I’d probably run into the same problem you have, so I don’t think there’s any shame in it, though of course it’s frustrating.

  3. ligeandcrew Says:

    I don’t think that was a messup on your part. I think it was real responsible to have your rent auto-whatever the word is from your bank account.
    It sounds to me like a bunch of red tape an a not so responsible land lord.

    This stuff is so scary. We’re always afraid we’re gonna lose our Social Security too, and it’s the only income we have.
    And it is hard to keep up with things. Shoot, we have trouble even keeping our post office box rent paid.

    The only thing we don’t have trouble with is the collection agency, because we pay them once a month. (Hm, maybe we should do that with the PO box….)

    Seriously, your mother told you stuff like that when you were in grade school – ? That sounds like our mother. And I think it’s child abuse. I think it’s emotional abuse or something, to scare a little kid to death over stuff they can’t do anything about. That’s not teaching money management, I don’t think.
    – Dodge.

  4. Make that call on Monday. You will feel SO much better even if the words are simply, “I’m sorry.” You will set into motion a totally different snowball than the one that is plaguing you now. I went bankrupt in 1999. I was so mortified. It took a long time to rebuild from those ashes but I know from being one of those people who got payday loans and over drew on my account every single month, hiding bills in a drawer, bouncing checks…to now documenting even when I give a homeless person a dollar…Money has lots of emotional and core self-worth ties. When it overtakes you, take it back. All it takes is making a small beginning….and things start coming your way again.
    The Cockroach

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