I’ve totally messed up my money.
I’m really ashamed to admit to this. Like, a LOT. I come from a family that drilled money management into me–my grandfather’s the VP of investments at a major brokerage firm, and my mother always told me at great length about her money problems and how we were about to be living on the street–when I was in elementary school. So there’s a lot of panic and shame happening.
When I was living at my last apartment, I had my rent autodrafted from my checking account so I didn’t have to worry about remembering to send it on time. When I moved in the fall, I thought I called the bank to get them to stop the autodraft. I’m not sure if I forgot or if something got messed up on their end–probably I just forgot.
I haven’t been paying much attention to my account. I was in a pretty bad depression and just couldn’t be bothered to do it, not that that’s a good excuse. Apparently the rent check was still being autodrafted from my account every month, and I didn’t realize it. Then there was a screw-up with my SSI/SSDI, and I had no income for the 3 months it took to straighten that out. Well, apparently the last autodraft caused an overdraft, and the bank shut down my account. I just got the back checks from Social Security now that the problem with SSI/SSDI has been straightened out, but the ATM wouldn’t even let me deposit the money.
I’ve left a voicemail with the property management company about getting a refund for the autodraft rent checks, but they’re impossible to get in touch with. I know I need to go sort this out with the bank, but I’m too panicked and ashamed. I’m afraid they’re going to accuse me of fraud and not let me have an account anymore, and then I could lose my SSI/SSDI. I’m panicked about not having money and ending up homeless–to the point that I’m having suicidal thoughts. I know I need to just grow up and deal with it, but I can’t. God, I just fail at life. I’ve messed everything up now.