I miss Kelsey.
She died 2 and a half years ago. Too long with an eating disorder; her heart just stopped. Housemate and I went to her parents’ house this weekend, and I brought a stack of CD’s for the drive without looking at what I grabbed. On the way back tonight, Housemate grabbed a random CD and stuck it in. It was a mix Kelsey made for me. It says: “For my future wifey! ILU!!!”
God, she was so fucking amazing. I don’t think I could’ve made it through high school without her and Helen, my other best friend. Hell, I don’t think any of us were sure we would make it through, what with our desperate clinging to self-destruction. She saved me. We saved each other, all three of us.
And now she’s gone, and I sat in the car listening to her CD and trying not to cry. I want to cut, and I don’t even know why. I’m not going to–Kelsey would kick my ass if she found out. I don’t put it past her to come back from the dead just to kick my ass.
I just really fucking miss her. I don’t have any friends anymore, not in the “real world.” I would love to have just one friend like her.