The Life You Save May Be Your Own

DID, knitting, sci-fi, and strong opinions

System Structure February 18, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — weordmyndum @ 7:59 pm
Tags: ,

I’ve been working a lot on figuring out my system.  It’s weird and confusing.  There seems to be an internal structure that I don’t understand.  Basically, there is the front, like a door.  I-Sara am almost always there.  Behind the door, there’s a big wheel-like thing.  There are several smaller wheels on the big wheel.  Each of the smaller wheels is a subsystem of alters.  Turning the big wheel changes which subsystem is nearest to the front/the door, and turning the smaller wheel changes which individual person is front.  It seems to be fairly easy for the small wheels to turn; we can switch fairly easily and quickly between people within each subsystem.  There also appears to be a common memory bank for each subsystem, so people within each subsystem know what others have been doing.  But there doesn’t appear to be any communication between the different subsystems.  I don’t even know how many subsystems there are.

As far as I know, the first split happened at age three.  How could I, as a small child, have been organized and smart enough to organize my system this way?  I’m not entirely sure I believe all of it.  I don’t know.


One Response to “System Structure”

  1. australopith Says:

    This visualization is really helpful in understanding what you’re going through. I stumbled upon your blog and now I can’t stop reading it. Trauma is a bitch and it takes guts to face it. Hang in there.

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