The Life You Save May Be Your Own

DID, knitting, sci-fi, and strong opinions

Struggling February 16, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — weordmyndum @ 5:33 am
Tags: , , ,

I broke a glass today and cut my finger.

Me being clumsy is not terribly out of the ordinary, but I’ve taken it to a new level lately.  The more dissociative I am, the clumsier I become.  And I’ve been dissociating a lot lately.

The cutting my finger is also bad.  It was not intentional, but I’ve been dealing with a lot of urges to self-harm lately.  Comes with the depression.  Hurting myself accidentally makes the urges even stronger.  The frustrating this is that I know self-harming would numb the pain–for a while.  Yeah, it would come back, and once I’ve started cutting, it’s hard for me to stop.  That is not a cycle I want to get back into.

It just really sucks because nothing else is helping.

I need to think about finding a new therapist.  There is no guarantee that New Therapist is coming back, and even if she does, it won’t be for another several weeks.  It’ll take a while to get used to a new therapist, but once I do get used to someone new, therapy will probably help.  It usually does.  I just can’t keep sitting around hoping that New Therapist will be able to come back because I’m not okay right now.  I need therapy, and I need to know that my therapist will be there.  It’s not New Therapist’s fault she’s not here; medical illnesses can’t usually be scheduled.  But it still leaves me without a therapist.

In other news, I started knitting a doll.  Several of the kids in my system have been more present lately.  I’m not sure who, but someone really wants a doll.  I can’t afford to buy one, so I’m knitting one.  It won’t be the prettiest thing in the world, but I hope it will make whoever it is that wants it happy.

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2 Responses to “Struggling”

  1. kittyhere Says:

    Knitting sounds like a good project. Anything that keeps my hands busy is usually good for keeping me more “in the moment.”

    I agree that looking for a therapist who can see you NOW would be a great idea. Even if they turn into an interim or back-up person.

  2. ligeandcrew Says:

    We’re finally following your blog!!!

    This is Dodge –

    It must be so hard to need your therapist to be there, and he or she isn’t there.

    If you want to talk, we’ll listen, okay ?


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